Is Your Praise Counterproductive? How to Encourage Kids Without Adding Pressure

Parents naturally want to encourage their children, but certain types of praise can inadvertently increase pressure and contribute to burnout. A clinical psychologist explores how to offer encouragement that builds resilience and intrinsic motivation, rather than anxiety and a fear of failure.
The key lies in shifting away from praise that is focused on innate ability (“You’re so smart”) or outcomes (“You got an A!”). While well-intentioned, this can create a “fixed mindset” where a child feels they must constantly prove their intelligence and fears any task where they might not succeed perfectly. This aligns with clinical psychologist Meghna Kanwat’s warning against “perfectionism.”
Instead, focus on praising effort, process, and strategy. For example, say “I saw how hard you worked on that project,” or “That was a clever way to solve that problem.” This type of praise fosters a “growth mindset,” teaching children that their abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.
This approach also helps in setting “realistic goals,” another key point from Kanwat. When the focus is on the process, the outcome becomes less of a high-stakes, all-or-nothing event. A less-than-perfect result is seen as a learning opportunity, not a personal failure.
By being mindful of their language, parents can create a supportive environment that encourages their children to take on challenges without the crippling fear of not living up to a label. This method of encouragement builds the kind of robust self-esteem that is a powerful defense against burnout.